Kissing Blamed for Health Scare

Reports are coming in that a woman in China has suffered hearing loss following a passionate snog with her boyfriend.

Whilst kissing is deemed to be very safe normally, doctors urged people to proceed cautiously and only with due consideration to the risks posed. The Chief Medical Officer stated: “We know what’s good for you, and kissing is the first step to major headaches, wobbly legs, heart palpitations and all kinds of associated problems such as sexually transmitted diseases and babies. So let’s be careful out there!”

Meanwhile, the accident prompted newspapers in China to issue health and safety guidelines in respect of kissing safely, such as: Do not do it balanced on a wall overlooking a ravine; Do not stop to do it in the middle of a busy road; Ensure chewing gum is removed if contemplating tongues; and, finally, ensure a plentiful supply of mints if only one party has eaten Indian that day.

"A strong kiss may cause an imbalance in air pressure between the two inner ears and lead to a broken ear drum," said the English-language Shanghai Daily, in a story headlined "Kiss of Deaf." Damn, I wish I’d thought of that!