Shock For Strictly as Celebs Join Freemasons?

Eagle eyed, and yet, somehow shortsighted, fans have been saying it for months, but it has finally come to the attention of BBC producers that their contestants, whilst waiting backstage in Tess' area when she is interviewing, are constantly making signals to unknown and possibly unsavoury characters.

The latest in a long line of bizarre incidents to have dogged the show, had Ricky Whittle making a secret signal in the form of a 'C' shape, which was immediately taken by the on-line OddsOnBetSomeoneWillWinEventually company, that Ricky is ready to give up and allow Chris Hollins safe passsage to the final, this being a sign to his Masonry friends to put all their money on Hollins.

This follows the alleged and as yet, unsubstantiated rumours that Laila Rouass was seen winking - yes, winking - directly at camera three during her own interview in full view of everybody! Her professional partner, ballroom king Anton Du Beke, defended his partner's unladylike behaviour, saying it was perfectly all right to wink at camera three when you fancied the pants off the cameraman. He then covered his mouth and went: "Oops, did I say that? I was kidding, you know what I'm like, ha ha ha."

"It's getting out of hand," stated Dave Arch, the musical director, although it's unclear if he was answering a question related to the controversy or merely responding to a dropped-packet-of-crisps-in-a-tuba situation in the band pit.

Ali Bastian was also said to be seen by someone, who wished to remain anonymous and who said they only half glanced briefly enough to see a blonde person, but it must have been Ali because who else could it have been and they didn't have to prove anything, just start the rumour, thank you very much, because it's their opinion and they're entitled to it, to drop the crisps into the band pit in the first place and that this was a signal to the wardrobe department to fit her up with a pair of flat shoes, like Natalie C, because that would be sure to give her an advantage, what with her broken leg and all.

Along with the blatant nose thumbing given to James Jordan by the said Chris Hollins, who's been making Mrs Jordan scream in ecstasy every Saturday night and Natalie Lowe's blatant Australianism, continually shown in the form of her competing competitively in the competition every week, it's no wonder that Strictly is losing out to X-Factor in the ratings battle.

Sunday Supplement: Are some 'green' decisions good for all?

We all know we should do more for the planet, with environmental concerns affecting countries across the globe, but a new protection group has sprung up defending the humble coco pops right to make it home in a shoppers bag, without being crushed by a six pint plastic bottle of milk.

Cereal Realists Against Persecution have blasted supermarkets for introducing paper bags to carry home their own brand cereals instead of cardboard boxes. The best known brands however, were praised for putting the interests of their cereals first and sticking with their trademark cardboard boxes.

"Our concerns also have the backing of parents, " stated a spokesman for the Realists. "Where else would they get the materials for school art projects if it wasn't for the cardboard packaging found in our store cupboards? How many robots would lie half unmade, lacking the very body at the heart of their design?"

However, the Campaign for the Reduction of Abundant Packaging has hit back at the Realists, saying that failure of all the main brands to act on the supermarkets initiative would have a catastrophic effect on a global scale.

"Which is all very well," said a Mrs. Gruel as she left her local shop recently. "But I tried buying my Oatybreak in a bag but I snagged the trolley as I left, the milk tipped, the bag ripped and before I knew it I was knee deep in porridge. And don't even get me started on my clusters. We're all against excess packaging, but there has to be a line drawn somewhere."

Saturday Review: Keeping it in the showbiz family

How far will a showbiz agent go to find the next big superstar? Not very far, according to a Variety magazine report which shows that agents are quite often going no further than an existing star's home to discover the next big thing.

Since the days of the Osmonds, The Jacksons and the Partridge Family, relatives of big names have cashed in on agents laziness. Witness twin brothers Nigel Lythgoe (top right) and Frank Skinner (left) - would Nigel have got his big break if it hadn't been for Frank staking a spot in the limelight with partner David Baddiel all those years ago?

So it comes as no surprise to find out that X-Factor popster Joe McEelderry is actually the long lost son of mentor Cheryl Cole, 37. Just think of those melting brown eyes and glossy thick hair and you wonder how the news managed to stay quiet for so long. Apart from Joe inheriting his father's voice, the likenesses are totally apparent when you point them out.

ITV bosses naturally tried to keep the news from Cheryl, who had no idea she had a long lost son. Pop Svenagli Simon Cowell said he'd known all along, but decided it was in Cheryl's own interest not to know, lest she showed any bias towards Joe in any way.

It was private detectives, hired by Cheryl's agent to follow up a piece of completely unadulterated gossip by an old neighbour of the Tweedy's, who discovered the truth of Joe's birth. They quickly advised Starmaker Simon, who ensured a smooth path into the X-Factor live shows for the boy who will become his new protege.

Motorists Hit by Parking Fines

Mr. Fines was subsequently charged with public order offences and will appear at Kensington and Chelsea Magistrates Court next week.

Jetman - Accident or Sabotage?

Stelios Haji-Ioannou of Easyjet has denied his company were behind the failure of Swiss 'Jetman' Yves Rossy, to fly solo using a single jet-propelled wing between Africa and Europe.

Rossy set off from Morocco but ditched in the Straights of Gibralter after a problem developed with his right hand wing.

Knowing that Stelios always has an a eye on the competition, Easyjet's detractors were quick to point the finger at the low budget airline's boss, who was said to be developing his own low-cost jetpacks to cut the cost of air travel even further.

A source close to Stelios said it was a "ridiculous" idea to suggest that the airline had anything to do with the Jetman's failure and queried why anyone would think they were. Eye witnesses on the ground in the Sahara Desert however, report seeing a "big orange and white bird" apparently skim the Jetman just after take off. Aviation investigators are set to investigate.

Potter Star in Stage Rage

Winky, the former disgraced Hogwarts house elf, has once again fallen foul of critics and fans alike in the West End, as she jumped from the stage and threw herself at an audience member following the final curtain on her latest play.

Playing the love interest of Gollum in the stage production of Smeagol's Lot, the new Alan Ayckbourn play at the Duke of York's theatre in London's West End, the role was seen as a breakthrough for the recovering alcoholic.

However, it appears that though the addiction to Butterbeer is under control, the tiny star is still drinking heavily, having replaced the scarce make-believe drink with Smirnoff Ice.

A theatre insider said: "It got worse of course, when Dobby died, and she was thrown out of Hogwarts but we hoped the worst of it was over."

Winky was discovered by the playwright in a doorway of the theatre one day, and he immediately saw her potential as Gollum's mate and invited her to audition. After winning many fans with her portrayal of the besotted creature, it now looks as though her love affair with the stage may be just a brief encounter.

Price Quits Jungle for Strictly!

The sensational news broke today that Katie Price had only agreed to take part in I'm A Celebrity Get Me out of Here, on the condition that she be immediately released from the contract, should any celebrities drop out of Strictly Come Dancing.

With Jade Johnson unable to continue due to her injury, BBC producers have brought in their substitute Katie, who will dance with Jade's devastated partner, Ian Waite, to ensure the competition stays on track for a three couple final. A spokesman stated:

"Of course we had a contingency plan for if this situation occurred - as it has the previous three series - and we took the decision to sign up a reserve contestant, to be brought in at the quarter final stage when two completely new dances would be performed, thus putting the new contestant on a level playing field. We're delighted Katie has honoured her commitment to us; Ian is thrilled to bits to be able to continue."

The two new dances were unveiled on Saturday - Pole Dancing, with Ricky Groves - now back in his day job - brought in to mentor the couples - and a group Dark Morris Dance, although some people have questioned the wisdom of giving amateurs bloody great big sticks to bash around. An insider commented: "Let's be honest, some of 'em can't even stand up straight just holding their partners, let alone props."

But the word from the training room is that the group dance is shaping up to be one of the best ever, and that the male celebrities in particular, are thrilled with the opportunity to wear feathers and bells.

Space Station Instruments Go On Display

Two instruments that served aboard the European Space Station for more than 15 years have gone on display in the Barbican Centre in London. The pristine trumpet and violin, kept in fine condition by the zero gravity atmosphere, have pride of place in the iconic venue's Art Gallery and are already attracting fascinated visitors.

Of all the staff sent to the space station, it was decided that at least one of the astronauts had to have a grade eight in one or other of the instruments to ensure that lessons could be given. It is hoped that in due course, astronauts will have enough training to stage the very first classical concert on the moon.

The two instruments have been replaced by a grand piano and a xylophone, and Mezzo Soprano Katherine Jenkins has been invited to train as a cosmonaut, in order to deliver some vocal training and thus ensure a choir can accompany the orchestra in the lunar recital.

Sunday Supplement: The maternity breakthrough favoured by celebrity mums.

Coleen Rooney has revealed she had help in ensuring her labour was as quick and painless as possible - Asda's vibrating rubber Passion Panties! She has subsequently recommended them to many of her social circle, and the giant retailer have had to place an order for at least two dozen more pairs!

Wayne's wife was doing the weekly shop in the Hulme branch, and had been wearing the panties on and off for a couple of weeks to stimulate Baby Kai to get a move on - but he chose the most inopportune moment to stage his arrival. As Coleen frantically called Rooney to her side, she struggled to switch off the battery operated panties, so that attending paramedics found the black imitation leather knickers still buzzing when they arrived.

As the face of Asda for some time now, it was fitting that it was one of their own brand products that had the desired effect on Coleen, although a spokesman for Asda said, with a completely straight face: "We like to think shopping with us is exciting enough already."

The panties were originally designed by former Asda chief Archie Norman and it's this kind of forward thinking from the ex-Tory MP that has led ITV to bring him on board as the new Chief Executive.

Saturday Music Review: Pixie's loyalty knows no bounds

The celebrity big-up of West Ham United is well and truly on - but it's not all to the liking of the long suffering diehard fans.

Songstress Pixie Lott, who revealed her family's long standing support of the club this week on childrens' iconic magazine show, Blue Peter, has been asked by Chairman Bjorgolfur Gudmundsson to pen a new anthem for the Upton Park faithfull. American Star Katy Perry was said to be co-writing the project, with input from local lad David Essex. The chairman is hoping that sales of the CD and planned 'Making Of' DVD will help to clear some of his £300m personal debt, which may force him to sell the club.

Hammers fan, 80 year old Bernie Scrivens from Plaistow, was furious to hear of the plan, saying there was nothing wrong with I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles - and reminded everyone who could hear him that if it was good enough for Dame Vera Lynn to put on her album (which got to number one) then it was good enough for us. A spokesman for the club pointed out that they were not the beneficiaries of any royalties from that CD, but they were confident over time that the fans would take the new song to their hearts.

Pixie was said to be looking forward to the recording session for Clarets and Booze, where it was rumoured that President Barack Obama, Phil Jupitus, Ray Winstone and Russell Brand were all going to lay down some backing vocals, with Her Majesty The Queen adding a spirited rap to the track.

Mariah Carey Brings Home New Addition to Canine Family

I'm a Celebrity Task Ends in Disaster

In the jungle, the celebrities were challenged to stage a dream wedding, featuring Sam and Gino as the bride and groom; unfortunately, Katie got carried away with her celebrations.

Horse Therapy for Arsenal Placenta Forward!

To the trepidation of fans and club officials, Arsenal striker Robin van Persie is making a special trip to the Balkans in a bid to return to full fitness - by subjecting himself to a bizarre ritual involving the womb of a horse!

The Dutchman has decided on the dramatic action after suffering ankle ligament damage playing for Netherlands against Italy on Saturday. However, he admits that the doctor performing the ritual was "a bit vague, but still, what's the worst that can happen?" A foetal accident maybe? (Ed)

The player did know a little about the therapy however, telling reporters that it involved fluid from the placenta being massaged into the injury, before saying there were also various other complimentary treatments and transplants on offer, utilising the breeding stock at the nearby stallion clinic.

Asked what else he'd be having done, Van Persie just winked and quipped: "Let's just say I won't be needing viagra any time soon - and the lads might not fancy showering with me anymore!"

Female Prisoner Escapes During Shopping Trip

The Jimmy Choo sales throughout H&M stores this weekend has been blamed today for a prisoner absconding while out on an organised shopping trip.

The unnamed female made good her escape as her escort became caught up in the shoe and accessories queue inside the Maidstone H&M. Allocated ticket number 327, the prisoner cleverly waited until number 326 was called and then legged it. The female escort had just a split second to make the choice to follow, or retain her place in the queue.

Figuring this was her one and only time to get that pair of thigh high leather boots for the knock down price of £180, the escort stayed where she was and simply called 999. Now that's what we call getting your priorities right!

Sunday Supplement: Dancing on Ice Bosses Rue Format Tweak

ITV bosses are regretting their decision to make the show bigger and better this year, following the Professional Skaters Association's decision to slap a minimum hire wage on their skaters.

With the Friday night magazine show and the Sunday show set to run for six months, the producers have to find almost double the budget to cover the costs for the season.

An insider at the company said the blame must be laid on the shoulders of the executive decision to bump the number of celebrities up to 48 and said that the cost of hiring the professionals isn't the only issue - there simply aren't enough professionals to go round! "At the moment, it's looking like Chris, Jayne, Karen and Nicky may have to step in and partner some of the celebs, as well as Kyran, Chris, Ray and Suzanne being drafted in - which of course hasn't gone down too well with the celebs themselves, who feel their chances will be severely hindered."

Reports are that Heather Mills is already threatening to quit, while Holly and Phil have been told in no uncerain terms that they must wait their chance for another year. Health and Safety issues mean that both Metal Mickey (sharp edges) and Sinitta (angry svenagli manager and material deficiency) have both been dropped.

Saturday Strictly Come Dancing Preview: Stars Fight for Brucie's Role

With the devastating news that the irreplaceable Bruce Forsyth has to be replaced on tonight's Strictly Come Dancing due to illness, the front runners to take over the coveted spot in the BBC flagship show were herded into a small studio and told to fight it out.

Vernon Kaye, Graham Norton, Dale Winton, Terry Wogan, Peter Mandelson, Paul O'Grady and sundry others were said to be engaged in a fierce battle for the main presenting spot, with the immediate outcome looking to be an amalgamation of various personages: Ricky Gervais will make the entrance and recreate the iconic tap dance with Tess, whilst Prime Minister Gordon Brown, showing where his allegiance truly lies, will take over the links and deliver the jokes.

Newly crowned WBA Heavyweight World Champion, David Haye entered the studio to a deafening roar and asked if he could do it, at which point the rest of them just nodded and backed away hurriedly. David will be teaming up with Tess to deliver the Undisputed Moment of Truth, thus ensuring there'll be no outbursts from anyone, irrespective of the result.

Anton Du Beke is, of course, gutted. Under normal circumstances, he'd have been free by now to step right into Brucie's shoes.

Peruvian 'Metal Mickey' Lover Takes Devotion Too Far

A Peruvian man has undergone surgery to remove a kilo of nails, coins and scrap metal in his stomach.

The man tottered into a World Health Organisation clinic clutching a toy Metal Mickey and confirmed that he had been swallowing an assortment of items for the last five weeks in order to become more like his idol.

Johnny Edward, the brains behind Metal Mickey, has been accused of putting the man up to it in order to publicise his return to television, with a new series of The Metal Mickey TV Show launching on Channel Five in January and starring a real life Metal Mickey robot (technology having moved on somewhat since the early eighties). Following the success of his twin sons in the X-factor, Mr Edward has also signed Mickey up for the next series of Dancing on Ice.

With regard to the Peruvian man, doctors feel he may have been left with psychological issues and are arranging for him to be examined by metal health specialists.

Stars looking to learn to speak proper like what they should.

Kerry Katona is looking to kick start her media career by learning to speak like Katie Price.

Ironically, Katie Price was hoping to do the same by learning to speak like Kerry Katona, and hopes to emulate her by winning I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here on her second attempt, having been lured back into the jungle by the promise of a huge packet, which some people believe contains a lot of cash.

The Queen is said to be watching the outcome of the electrocution lessons with interest, since she has long been advised to speak like what the rest of her subjects do, to maintain a closeness in the special relationship.

However, Ant and Dec have said that the electrocution lessons were specifically for Katie only, and seem to think the only word Katie would be uttering would be along the lines of "Aaaaaaarrrrrggggggghhhhhhh!"

'I'm A Celebrity' around the world ...

... and the Indian producers hadn't quite understood what Ant and Dec meant by 'shower scenes'.

Williams Wanted for Spielberg Blockbuster

Steven Spielberg is considering Robbie Williams for a lead role in his remake of 1950 Oscar winning film Harvey.

The original film starred James Stewart as a man whose best friend is an invisible giant rabbit and Spielberg is desperate that Williams, seen here at a recent screentest, take on the role of the rabbit, while Stewart's Oscar-nominated role will be taken by Will Smith or Tom Hanks.

According to Variety magazine, Spielberg aims to start shooting early next year and will be a co-production of Twentieth Century Fox and Dreamworks.

Cowell: Jedward Threatened Blackmail

Simon Cowell today spoke out over his anguish at having to let beautiful Welsh singing sensation Lucie Jones leave the X-Factor.

The pop svengali caused a meltdown on social networking sites, when he allowed the sing off to go to deadlock, therefore giving the public the final say, which saw whipping boys Jedward through to fight another week.

After roundly criticising the twins performances week after week and insisting the reality show was a 'singing' contest, the pop mogul's decision to not save Lucie reverberated around the world, with Barack Obama calling for him to be sacked - only to have it pointed out that Cowell was actually the boss who made up the rules as he went along - Cowell himself called a press conference to state his case.

His voice trembling with emotion, the King of Pop Starmakers told how he received a bunch of shamrocks with a scrawled note, saying that if he did not save them, Jedward would tell everyone they saw him crying at a special screening of New Moon in the contestants house.

He told the assembled press how he had to threaten a producer into giving him the nod that Jedward had the bigger public vote, so that his controversial decision was not so obvious. Asked why he was speaking out now, Cowell, tears leaking through his fingers as he held his head in his hands, said he couldn't go on living with the guilt and vowed that next week would be different.

"I just don't want any more of the acts to suffer Lucie and Rachel's fates," he sobbed, "least of all my own."

Sunday Supplement: The Hidden Cost of Bonfire Night

As we now know, the whole Gunpowder Plot was just a massive spin on behalf of James 1's government of the day, but we don't care, do we, because it's a good excuse to party.

But what of those forgotten victims, the leftovers, the ignored remains from the week before, when another, world wide party is over and the paraphernalia is cast aside without a second glance. I'm talking about Halloween of course, and whilst the pretend witches and wizards, ghouls and ghosties simply remove their costumes and sling them back in a plastic bag for next year, little thought is given to those that selflessly gave themsleves over to our whims, carved up and spat out.

What about the pumpkins? After all the care and attention lavished on them before the witching hour, the aftermath brings them no comfort, no fuss - left outside to the elements, they make their own way in the world, too old and deformed and rotten to be kept for next year. The only living vegetable who truly understands how a turkey really feels, only worse, because after the Boxing Day sarnies, the turkeys are, at least, consigned to waste disposal or a frozen curry.

But the pumpkins plight continues on into the following week, when they're bombarded with the whoosh, bangs, snaps and crackles of Bonfire Night. The lucky ones will be used to support rockets, or ceremoniously placed atop said bonfire. But the unlucky ones? Left to wander, the only solace they may find will be in the bonfire owner's beer supply - and with the NHS already overburdened, the cost of clearing away these forlorn and lonely creatures will fall, once again, to the tax payer.

Saturday Review: All Star Jungle Line up Leaked

Ant and Dec are thrilled that the line up for I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here has been leaked, proving that they can attract the biggest names to any of their shows, with the best ever cast on a reality TV show.

Actress Julia Roberts is so far confirmed, following a disappointing comeback on the movie scene, where her remake of Hitchcock's Dial M for Murder - Dial P for Pizza (in 3D) bombed at the cinema, as is Bond legend Sean Connery, hoping to shake 'em and stir 'em. Heavyweight sporting greats, five time Olympic champion Sir Steven Redgrave and basketball legend Michael Jordan will be battling it out to prove who's fittest. Plus, diva Beyonce Knowles, well known for mucking in and leading the camp fire songs, has said she'll be looking to put together something extra special with fellow contender, Ronan Keating, just like Peter Andre did. Michael Flatley will be vying with Mikhail Baryshnikov for the title of Dancing King, while the producers are hoping that Jeremy Paxman will be able to switch off from his day job when he comes face to face with the First Lady Michelle Obama, flying solo for once.

A source close to the boys said they were initially a bit concerned about the bodyguards that would need accomodating, together with the relevant security issues, however, Beyonce said she would be prepared to scale down her entourage.

Husband in Drag Arrested for Identity Theft

A man arrested for using his wife's gym card has denied doing so in order to spy on women exercising in the 'Female only' section of the local gym. He insisted it was the gym's payment policy that made him resort to such a charade, as he and his wife didn't want to pay for membership that would go unused.

The 42 year old, who cannot be named for legal reasons, says his wife gave him permission to use the gym in her name, when she decided she no longer had the time to go regularly.

The police were called when the man, wearing full make up and a red wig and who'd stuffed tennis balls down his top and was wearing a tennis skirt over cycling shorts, was caught by a cleaner as he sneaked into the mens toilets.

The gym denied it refused to let clients cancel their gym membership, saying their membersip terms and conditions were fully explained on page 325 of the 325 page 'New Members Handbook', where it clearly states that only three years notice is required, that each member must pass a stringent Superstars fitness test before being allowed to leave and that the notice could only be accepted when there was a 'Z' in the month.

Schwimmer Trapped By Beach Balls

American actor David Schwimmer received a nasty surprise on a trip to a private beach in Malibu this week, when his private parts became trapped in a slatted sun lounger and he was forced to wait for the local fire brigade to cut him free.

Following a naked swim, the actor had lain face down on the lounger, not realising that the coolness of the water would have shrunk his manhood quite considerably, enough for his scrotum to slip between the slats. As his body warmed up, his manhood expanded once more and he found he was unable to free himself.

The star of Friends and other things, was too embarrassed to speak with reporters who'd somehow found out about his predicament and descended upon the beach in numbers, however, a fire officer stated there was "nothing to be seen" and moved them all on.

Mr. Schwimmer's agent then rush released a statement, confirming that there would have been something to be seen, had his client not been so shy.

Newcastle Fans Upset By Stadium Name Change

Newcastle fans were in uproar today, following the renaming of St.James Park as sportsdirect.com@ St.James Park.

As the official supporters club staged a protest outside the ground, fans of neighouring club Middlesborough were also on their way to petition their club owners, regarding the proposed name change to the Garmin Stadium, however, they took a wrong turning and ended up in the river.

With Blackburn considering a request from their sponsors to rename Ewood Park the Crown Paints Compact Paint Pod, it was left to the Liverpool players themselves to veto the change to the 'This Is Anfield' placque in the players tunnel, with Gerrard insisting that 'This Is Probably The Best Players' Tunnel In The World' just wouldn't fit.

However, England can rest assured that the Nationwide Mortgages Wembley Stadium will not become afflicted by the sullied touch of sponsorship like the Thailand national stadium, now known as the Ronald McDonald Salad Bowl.

Giant Jellyfish Capsize 10 Ton Trawler

Jelly fish off the coast of Japan are staging industrial action in the run up to Christmas, and fought back today against being caught, chopped into cubed oblongs, wrapped in plastic and forced into brightly coloured cardboard packets.

A spokesman for the jellyfish, Mr Wobble, said his members were increasingly frustrated at the bad press their species attracted, and where would childrens' birthday parties be if it weren't for them?

Ice cream company Walls are said to be considering contigingency plans in case the action does mean a shortage of jelly, including looking at alternative quorn substitutes.

"It's ironic that the weather and water conditions in the breeding grounds this year mean there is an explosion in numbers and sizes, which has impacted on the trawler men's performance." said a gleeful Sir David Attenborough, who has always maintained a hearty dislike of jelly and has long since campaigned against the practice of making it.

A Japanese trawler man commented: "We're going to need a bigger boat."

Rooney's Baby Makes His Debut. Awwww.

Wayne and Colleen Rooney are the proud parents of a beautiful baby boy this evening.

Kai Wayne is said to be the spitting image of his dad, weighing in at a svelte 16lbs 10oz. A steady stream of family and friends have inundated the family home with presents and Domino's said they quickly sold out of their special Baby Meal.

Mother and baby are said to be doing well. Kai, at any rate, has already worked his way through fifteen cream buns, four Kentucky family buckets and ten litres of coke in a sterling attempt to follow in daddy's footsteps.

Wayne is reportedly over the moon.

Sunday Supplement: Move over 3D - the Feeling Suit takes a bow.

Cinemas know how to pack the punters in, with most family films now offering a 3D version (at inflated prices of course) to excite the visual senses - but what about the rest of you?

Step forward the technical whizzkids at Philips, who have invented a suit that can interpret your emotions. Feeling a little sad at Titanic? The suit can sense this and give you a sympathetic hug, while a soothing massage accompanies you during the warm down from Rocky's final victory. Adrenalin pumping as Jack Ryan's CIA agent battles Sean Bean's terrorist in Patriot Games? Feel every punch as the suit takes on board the increase in heart rate and muscle tension and gently pounds your arms and legs.

Philips have been testing the suits on volunteers during controlled screenings, using films such as Bambi, Porky's and anything starring Jackie Chan. Whilst Bambi elicited the response expected, with the demand for tissues outstripping the demand for popcorn, the manufacturers have now refused to supply the suits for the screening of adult and other 18 certificate films, after the trials resulted in ten arrests for obscene and lewd behaviour, six convictions for flashing, plus ambulance and fire crews being called following three seperate attempts at flying roundhouse kicks during a special screening of Shanghai Noon.