Last week, we reported that Baby Spice Emma Bunton would be wearing a pair of Posh Spice Victoria Beckham's black crepe trousers as a shrug, which was, of course, completely wrong.
They were in fact more of a smokey grey silk and we apologise for any confusion caused.
We also recently reported that the Baroness Uddin had a fantastic left hook, however, we have been advised by her press office that this is untrue and that her killer shot is actually a right uppercut. We apologise unreservedly if we mislead any of her opponents.
Wednesday, 31 March 2010
Tuesday, 30 March 2010
Car Buyer Helps Prove Scientific Theory That Some People Are Actually Really Thick
A motorist who wanted to surprise his wife on April Fool's Day with a silver plated Mini Cooper Stupido, has revealed his costly mistake to the world.
Builder Ian Grice paid £38,000 for the car, when he was dazzled senseless by it when passing a local dealer. Without bothering to check first, like normal people do, he bought the car and then found that, obviously, no insurance company was going to go near it with a twenty foot air guage, even if he swapped the alloy wheels.
Mr Grice was hoping that by going public over his ordeal, some kind soul might set up a Facebook group to raise funds, which will enable him to buy specialist cover from the insurance company to the rich and famous, More Money Than Sense.
Scientists at London's Brunel University were said to be celebrating this confirmation of a theory they'd long discussed in the student bar and were looking forward to working on many more examples, including the closely related paper: "Why Some Drivers Can't Fill Up if the Petrol Pump is on the Opposite Side of the Car to the Tank".
Builder Ian Grice paid £38,000 for the car, when he was dazzled senseless by it when passing a local dealer. Without bothering to check first, like normal people do, he bought the car and then found that, obviously, no insurance company was going to go near it with a twenty foot air guage, even if he swapped the alloy wheels.
Mr Grice was hoping that by going public over his ordeal, some kind soul might set up a Facebook group to raise funds, which will enable him to buy specialist cover from the insurance company to the rich and famous, More Money Than Sense.
Scientists at London's Brunel University were said to be celebrating this confirmation of a theory they'd long discussed in the student bar and were looking forward to working on many more examples, including the closely related paper: "Why Some Drivers Can't Fill Up if the Petrol Pump is on the Opposite Side of the Car to the Tank".
Sunday, 28 March 2010
Sunday Supplement: Film Four Launch The Search for Mowgli
Film Four have announced plans for a big budget, live action version of The Jungle Book.
In keeping with the best reality shows, auditions for the five major roles are already underway around the country, however, according to production insiders they haven't gone without a hitch.
The search for Mowgli has proven difficult, due to the auditionees for Shere Khan eating three of the auditonees for the hero's role, while the auditionees for the role of King Louie are responsible for the budget trebling already, as cameras and gantries are being damaged by the swinging.
Meanwhile, the Baloo the bear auditionees have caused major disruption in every town they've visited, by uprooting any tree they find in the vicinity, with the RHS at Wisley in particular being hit very badly during a mass escape from the auditions at the Whitgift Centre.
The Bagheera auditionees are the only ones said to be no trouble, except for the badgering of the filming crew about the health and safety issues posed the the Shere Khans.
Reports of a raid by the Health and Safety Executive have been denied, with Film Four saying that filming is likely to start in the Autumn.
In keeping with the best reality shows, auditions for the five major roles are already underway around the country, however, according to production insiders they haven't gone without a hitch.
The search for Mowgli has proven difficult, due to the auditionees for Shere Khan eating three of the auditonees for the hero's role, while the auditionees for the role of King Louie are responsible for the budget trebling already, as cameras and gantries are being damaged by the swinging.
Meanwhile, the Baloo the bear auditionees have caused major disruption in every town they've visited, by uprooting any tree they find in the vicinity, with the RHS at Wisley in particular being hit very badly during a mass escape from the auditions at the Whitgift Centre.
The Bagheera auditionees are the only ones said to be no trouble, except for the badgering of the filming crew about the health and safety issues posed the the Shere Khans.
Reports of a raid by the Health and Safety Executive have been denied, with Film Four saying that filming is likely to start in the Autumn.
Saturday, 27 March 2010
Saturday Review: Stars and Their Hobbies
This week, we take a look at Madonna's long held fascination with aeroplanes.
It was during the long hot summer, shortly after the superstar moved into her London home underneath the Heathrow flight path, that Madonna found herself flat on her back in her sprawling garden; she'd tripped over the bucket she was using to collect berries and saw the majestic sight of a Boeing 737 soaring through the clouds like an eagle searching for prey, as she lay prone on her manicured lawn.
It was the beginning of a love affair that has lasted longer than her marriages and only a few people close to the global star knew that she was amongst the plane spotters arrested in Greece some time ago. Contrary to what you've read, it was her money that bought their freedom.
According to my sources (Nina on the next desk to me at work) Madonna is also an active member of the the celebrity Aircraft Spotting forum and we can exclusively reveal that she goes under the user name of The Flying Sultana. Do visit and say "Hi" - we're sure she'll be thrilled to hear from you.
It was during the long hot summer, shortly after the superstar moved into her London home underneath the Heathrow flight path, that Madonna found herself flat on her back in her sprawling garden; she'd tripped over the bucket she was using to collect berries and saw the majestic sight of a Boeing 737 soaring through the clouds like an eagle searching for prey, as she lay prone on her manicured lawn.
It was the beginning of a love affair that has lasted longer than her marriages and only a few people close to the global star knew that she was amongst the plane spotters arrested in Greece some time ago. Contrary to what you've read, it was her money that bought their freedom.
According to my sources (Nina on the next desk to me at work) Madonna is also an active member of the the celebrity Aircraft Spotting forum and we can exclusively reveal that she goes under the user name of The Flying Sultana. Do visit and say "Hi" - we're sure she'll be thrilled to hear from you.
Friday, 26 March 2010
Melbourne Police Impound Hamilton's Car
Melbourne police have been blasted by Formula One chiefs for impounding Lewis Hamilton's McLaren, following him setting the quickest time in the opening practice session for this weekend's Australian Grand Prix.
One of the charges that may be brought against Hamilton is endangering the life of his passenger, who had to hang onto the rear wing since, inexplicably, there was no room in the front.
Mercedes refused to be drawn on the rumours that the male passenger on the car was fellow F1 driver and ex champion Michael Schumacher, although witnesses report hearing the passenger "egging on" the driver to go "faster, faster, don't worry about the cops, we're famous."
Jenson Button was understood to be "extremely nervous" about the chances of his car retaining its freedom if he subsequently sets the quickest time in the next practice session, while Bernie Ecclestone tried to diffuse the situation by offering the entire Melbourne Police Department free tickets to the VIP area for the weekend. Apparently, he will be allowed out in time for the race on Sunday, but only if his behaviour improves.
"It's rule adherence gone mad!" Spluttered Hamilton's current squeeze, Nicole Scherzinger, taking a break from training with Dancing With The Star's Derek Hough. "There are speed limits in Albert Park, of course there are, and for good reason, but to punish only one of the cars for breaking them is totally unfair."
One of the charges that may be brought against Hamilton is endangering the life of his passenger, who had to hang onto the rear wing since, inexplicably, there was no room in the front.
Mercedes refused to be drawn on the rumours that the male passenger on the car was fellow F1 driver and ex champion Michael Schumacher, although witnesses report hearing the passenger "egging on" the driver to go "faster, faster, don't worry about the cops, we're famous."
Jenson Button was understood to be "extremely nervous" about the chances of his car retaining its freedom if he subsequently sets the quickest time in the next practice session, while Bernie Ecclestone tried to diffuse the situation by offering the entire Melbourne Police Department free tickets to the VIP area for the weekend. Apparently, he will be allowed out in time for the race on Sunday, but only if his behaviour improves.
"It's rule adherence gone mad!" Spluttered Hamilton's current squeeze, Nicole Scherzinger, taking a break from training with Dancing With The Star's Derek Hough. "There are speed limits in Albert Park, of course there are, and for good reason, but to punish only one of the cars for breaking them is totally unfair."
Wednesday, 24 March 2010
Wednesday News in Brief
Lenny Henry's Premier Inn advert has been banned from kids' tv for being too scary. The thought of having to share a room with their parents proved too much for some, as A&E departments reported an increase in childhood hysteria.
Emma Bunton revealed that her ex-colleague, former spice girl and wife of James Corden's new best friend, Victoria Beckham, sends her some of her own clothes to wear on Dancing on Ice. It's a relief to know that the chiffon effort covering her right shoulder on Sunday night was, in fact, a new boob tube style dress outgrown by Victoria and that half of Emma's dress had not, in fact, been stolen, as had been reported elsewhere. For this week's final, Emma is understood to be sporting a pair of Victoria's black crepe trousers as a shoulder shrug.
Some people outside a Jane Norman store in Central London celebrated Hump Day a little too literally today and are now facing several public order offences, including lewd and indecent behaviour.
Emma Bunton revealed that her ex-colleague, former spice girl and wife of James Corden's new best friend, Victoria Beckham, sends her some of her own clothes to wear on Dancing on Ice. It's a relief to know that the chiffon effort covering her right shoulder on Sunday night was, in fact, a new boob tube style dress outgrown by Victoria and that half of Emma's dress had not, in fact, been stolen, as had been reported elsewhere. For this week's final, Emma is understood to be sporting a pair of Victoria's black crepe trousers as a shoulder shrug.
Some people outside a Jane Norman store in Central London celebrated Hump Day a little too literally today and are now facing several public order offences, including lewd and indecent behaviour.
Tuesday, 23 March 2010
Wildwood Release Connick Onto Wetlands
Harry Connick Jnr was finally re-introduced into the wild today, courtesy of those hardworking conservationists at the Wildwood Trust in Herne Bay, Kent.
Along with some of his pet horses, who have been instrumental in rehabilitating the resting actor and jazz singer and provided backing vocals on his last tour, Harry, a big grazer in the best traditions of the Tarpan species throughout Eastern Europe, has settled nicely onto the wetlands of Stodmarsh and Ham Fen and is said to be considering an album utilising the very best of the iconic Connick whinny.
Wildwood worked tirelessly with English Nature, Kent Wildlife Trust and Sony Music International to ensure that Harry was well cared for in captivity and said they were extremely proud of the sturdy foals sired by Harry during the breeding stage. They look forward to adding to the population on the wetlands.
Along with some of his pet horses, who have been instrumental in rehabilitating the resting actor and jazz singer and provided backing vocals on his last tour, Harry, a big grazer in the best traditions of the Tarpan species throughout Eastern Europe, has settled nicely onto the wetlands of Stodmarsh and Ham Fen and is said to be considering an album utilising the very best of the iconic Connick whinny.
Wildwood worked tirelessly with English Nature, Kent Wildlife Trust and Sony Music International to ensure that Harry was well cared for in captivity and said they were extremely proud of the sturdy foals sired by Harry during the breeding stage. They look forward to adding to the population on the wetlands.
Sunday, 21 March 2010
Sunday Supplement: U.S Actions Contrary to Better Ties - Iran
Iran's Foreign Minister slammed the Americans tonight, as he revealed that promises made in secret talks had been broken.
The US had promised Tehran it would bring the biggest ever Burtons store to their capital, in readiness for the new business centre being built to house their stock exchange. Newly employed traders and bankers were to be kitted out in standard navy suits but were promised that they could choose their own designer silk ties, a perk the Americans themselves had actually championed.
However, it seems that the US Administration would not pass the budget for the project and the tie samples sent over to Tehran were in fact not designer, nor were they made of silk, leaving the traders extremely disappointed.
The US had promised Tehran it would bring the biggest ever Burtons store to their capital, in readiness for the new business centre being built to house their stock exchange. Newly employed traders and bankers were to be kitted out in standard navy suits but were promised that they could choose their own designer silk ties, a perk the Americans themselves had actually championed.
However, it seems that the US Administration would not pass the budget for the project and the tie samples sent over to Tehran were in fact not designer, nor were they made of silk, leaving the traders extremely disappointed.
Saturday, 20 March 2010
Saturday Business Review: BA Cancels Flights But Passengers Fly
British Airways contingency plan to cope with the cabin crew strike this weekend appears to have worked, as a fleet of a thousand hot air balloons left Gatwick on their way to foreign destinations.
According to BA bosses, 65% of passengers took up places in the specially adapted balloons, with green campaigners applauding the decision to switch to the greener, more environmentally friendly method of transport, admitting, however, that they would be pressuring the airline to carry on with them and banish planes completely.
A statement released by the airline thanked Piers Morgan and Jason Gardiner for their generosity, in alllowing their breath to be harvested as fuel for the hot air balloons.
According to BA bosses, 65% of passengers took up places in the specially adapted balloons, with green campaigners applauding the decision to switch to the greener, more environmentally friendly method of transport, admitting, however, that they would be pressuring the airline to carry on with them and banish planes completely.
A statement released by the airline thanked Piers Morgan and Jason Gardiner for their generosity, in alllowing their breath to be harvested as fuel for the hot air balloons.
Thursday, 18 March 2010
Pietersen: Test Cricket "Not For Girls"
England batsman Kevin Pietersen has admitted that test cricket is a bit boring for women, especially those who don't understand the technical jargon of the sport.
He's therefore put forward a few proposals to sex it up for them, including himself and Alastair Cook both playing topless in the next match in Dakar.
And as an added bonus for women spectators, a draw will be held before the start of play, to win the chance of rubbing sun tan oil into both Kevin and Alastair, with runner up prizes of painting the white stripes across the noses of Tim Denman and Ryan Sidebottom.
He's therefore put forward a few proposals to sex it up for them, including himself and Alastair Cook both playing topless in the next match in Dakar.
And as an added bonus for women spectators, a draw will be held before the start of play, to win the chance of rubbing sun tan oil into both Kevin and Alastair, with runner up prizes of painting the white stripes across the noses of Tim Denman and Ryan Sidebottom.
Wednesday, 17 March 2010
Blairs to "Have it Out" on Kyle show
The latest political fad to sweep Westminster is to air their dirty laundry on daytime talk show Jeremy Kyle, in a bid to show transparency to the electorate in the run up to the general election.
While some voters are appalled at the idea, having no wish to see Gordon Brown or anybody else's smalls, other sections of the community are relishing the chance to take part in the live show and be able to boo and hiss the politicians, and to possibly throw rotten fruit.
Elder statesman Tony Blair and wife Cherie are the first couple to share their concerns over the wayward life of eldest son Euan. Since being found face down in the gutter, drunk, Euan seemed to have reigned himself in but the revelation that it was he living in the Maidstone flat owned and claimed for by Baroness Uddin sent shock waves through Sedgefield, Milan, London, New York and everywhere else the Blairs now have homes.
Cherie Blair insisted on a lie detector test, which has apparently already been undertaken by both the Baroness and Euan. Mrs Blair's concerns that her son may have been more than just a lodger are fully understandable and extra security has been drafted in for the show, bearing in mind that the Baroness has a fantastic left hook.
While some voters are appalled at the idea, having no wish to see Gordon Brown or anybody else's smalls, other sections of the community are relishing the chance to take part in the live show and be able to boo and hiss the politicians, and to possibly throw rotten fruit.
Elder statesman Tony Blair and wife Cherie are the first couple to share their concerns over the wayward life of eldest son Euan. Since being found face down in the gutter, drunk, Euan seemed to have reigned himself in but the revelation that it was he living in the Maidstone flat owned and claimed for by Baroness Uddin sent shock waves through Sedgefield, Milan, London, New York and everywhere else the Blairs now have homes.
Cherie Blair insisted on a lie detector test, which has apparently already been undertaken by both the Baroness and Euan. Mrs Blair's concerns that her son may have been more than just a lodger are fully understandable and extra security has been drafted in for the show, bearing in mind that the Baroness has a fantastic left hook.
Sunday, 14 March 2010
Sunday Supplement: Arafat Call Up Blow for Sussex
Sussex Cricket Club were dealt a massive blow today, when overseas signing Yasser Arafat was named in the Pakistan ICC World Twenty 20 Squad.
Arafat is likely to miss the opening two months of the season, with Sussex coach, Mark Robinson, telling us: "We were told by the Palestinian government that Yasser would be available all season; finding overseas players is tough enough as it is, without them putting their countries first."
And doubly galling of course, is that fact that Arafat is actually Palestinian and not technically eligible for Pakistan, which the selectors seem to have overlooked. The fitness of the fast bowler has also been called into question lately, with the sprightly 81 year old beset by illness and subsequent death, although reports say he was looking back to his best in pre season nets.
Arafat is likely to miss the opening two months of the season, with Sussex coach, Mark Robinson, telling us: "We were told by the Palestinian government that Yasser would be available all season; finding overseas players is tough enough as it is, without them putting their countries first."
And doubly galling of course, is that fact that Arafat is actually Palestinian and not technically eligible for Pakistan, which the selectors seem to have overlooked. The fitness of the fast bowler has also been called into question lately, with the sprightly 81 year old beset by illness and subsequent death, although reports say he was looking back to his best in pre season nets.
Saturday, 13 March 2010
Saturday Snack Review: Weebles Found in Butterkist Popcorn!
Butterkist sweet toffee popcorn packs have been recalled after the manufacturer discovered they were infested with the tiny plastic pests, corn weebles.The Playskool toys are five to six centimetres long and popcorn coloured, which is why they were so easily missed during packaging of the snack packs.
A statement from the company said: "We'd like to reassure customers that this doesn't present any form of health risk, apart from a possible slight choking hazard."
The batch numbers of the affected packs are B8386, B8497 and B8496 and have been sold between January 29th and today. Customers who bought packs with these numbers are urged to call 0800 0352535 for a full and complete refund and to claim a free weeble minibus.
Thursday, 11 March 2010
Mark Owen Admits to Affairs
The sheer scale of sports stars and television presenters infidelity was finally driven home today when dimunitive Take That star, Mark Owen, admitted to having affairs with Tiger Woods, John Terry, Vernon Kaye and Ashley Cole.
Asked when these affairs took place, Owen declined to specify, although speculation has been rife about the goings on behind closed doors of a secret Northern Blokes Society, full of seemingly decent, caring northern blokes just sharing a passion for football, but who had been at the very heart of the revelations.
A source close to the society stated: "Yeah, you know 'eckaslike, the footballers get automatic entry on account of them being footballers an' that bein' the workin' man's game, see. If yer married to a Geordie bird, that's double kudos. A special exception was made for Tiger, who was inducted during a secret visit to England last July. Well, I say secret, - he didn't make the cut at the British Open and got a bit bored."
The UK pop music scene were shocked and bewildered by Owen's indiscretions. "Mind you, it explains why him and the rest of the lads had to take ten years off," stated a music industry mogul. "He was knackered."
Asked when these affairs took place, Owen declined to specify, although speculation has been rife about the goings on behind closed doors of a secret Northern Blokes Society, full of seemingly decent, caring northern blokes just sharing a passion for football, but who had been at the very heart of the revelations.
A source close to the society stated: "Yeah, you know 'eckaslike, the footballers get automatic entry on account of them being footballers an' that bein' the workin' man's game, see. If yer married to a Geordie bird, that's double kudos. A special exception was made for Tiger, who was inducted during a secret visit to England last July. Well, I say secret, - he didn't make the cut at the British Open and got a bit bored."
The UK pop music scene were shocked and bewildered by Owen's indiscretions. "Mind you, it explains why him and the rest of the lads had to take ten years off," stated a music industry mogul. "He was knackered."
Wednesday, 10 March 2010
Gordon Brown To Take Over MOTD From Lineker?
Spin doctors for Labour are desperate to up the Prime Minster's profile before the general election, and have been bombarding the BBC with requests to let him present their flagship, primetime Saturday evening, legendary football highlights show.
It follows the Prime Minister's appearance on Piers Morgan's Life Stories, where ITV let Mr. Brown enjoy the full glare of the television cameras as he interviewed the Britain's Got Talent judge.
The BBC, due to the unique way it's funded, have been spurning Downing Street's advances, anxious to maintain their neutrality in the run up to the national vote. Piers Morgan though, had no such qualms, an insider close the 'Life Stories' programme told us, since "it's a well kept secret that Gordon is Susan Boyle's half stepbrother - and Piers has to keep her happy, or she won't let him stroke her pussy - can't remember its name, sorry."
It follows the Prime Minister's appearance on Piers Morgan's Life Stories, where ITV let Mr. Brown enjoy the full glare of the television cameras as he interviewed the Britain's Got Talent judge.
The BBC, due to the unique way it's funded, have been spurning Downing Street's advances, anxious to maintain their neutrality in the run up to the national vote. Piers Morgan though, had no such qualms, an insider close the 'Life Stories' programme told us, since "it's a well kept secret that Gordon is Susan Boyle's half stepbrother - and Piers has to keep her happy, or she won't let him stroke her pussy - can't remember its name, sorry."
Tuesday, 9 March 2010
Robbie to Sponsor Pot Holes
Superstar Robbie Williams is the first celebrity to put his money where his mouth is by sponsoring the potholes of Stoke to be repaired.
Taking his cue from a successful idea piloted in Niederzimmen, near Leipzig in Germany, Robbie approached Stoke County Council with the proposal, who were quick to grasp the benefits of the scheme, whereby a pothole can be repaired at just £50 per hole, with a personal dedication embedded into the tarmac, or in Robbie's case, promotional CD's for his new album.
It's hoped now that celebrities living in the capital will follow suit. Girls Aloud star Cheryl Cole, said to be considering reconciliation with estranged husband Ashley, has already hinted that she'd like to see him forever immortalised in the middle of Kensington High Street, preferably in concrete, since she understands this to be longer lasting than tarmac.
Taking his cue from a successful idea piloted in Niederzimmen, near Leipzig in Germany, Robbie approached Stoke County Council with the proposal, who were quick to grasp the benefits of the scheme, whereby a pothole can be repaired at just £50 per hole, with a personal dedication embedded into the tarmac, or in Robbie's case, promotional CD's for his new album.
It's hoped now that celebrities living in the capital will follow suit. Girls Aloud star Cheryl Cole, said to be considering reconciliation with estranged husband Ashley, has already hinted that she'd like to see him forever immortalised in the middle of Kensington High Street, preferably in concrete, since she understands this to be longer lasting than tarmac.
Sunday, 7 March 2010
Sunday Supplement: Stars Dual Talents Exposed
With Professor Brian Cox making his debut on BBC 2 (now!) having previously tasted fame as the keyboard player from 90's band D:ream, we thought we'd take a look back at the archives and find other stars who have alter egos you may or may not be aware of.
You won't be surprised to find out that Ronnie Corbett played one of the munchkins in the original film version of The Wizardof Oz, or that David Beckham, reading English Literature, played a major role in Oxford University's last University Challenge win, but what of Dale Winton's other occupation? The one we uncovered that he's managed to keep secret all these years?
Yes, before we knew him as the genial host of In It To Win It and while he was starting out on his flegding career as host of Supermarket Sweep, Dale was in fact one of Britain's most accomplished assassins, serving MI5 and MI6 throughout the cold war.
The role of Supermarket Sweep ambassador, in bringing versions to dozens of other countries, provided him the perfect cover and opportunity to carry out his missions abroad, but the secrecy and double life finally took its toll and Dale regretfully hung up the Walther PPK in 1997.
But it's plain to see now, why he had no trouble controlling those exciteable contestants in those crowded aisles!
You won't be surprised to find out that Ronnie Corbett played one of the munchkins in the original film version of The Wizardof Oz, or that David Beckham, reading English Literature, played a major role in Oxford University's last University Challenge win, but what of Dale Winton's other occupation? The one we uncovered that he's managed to keep secret all these years?
Yes, before we knew him as the genial host of In It To Win It and while he was starting out on his flegding career as host of Supermarket Sweep, Dale was in fact one of Britain's most accomplished assassins, serving MI5 and MI6 throughout the cold war.
The role of Supermarket Sweep ambassador, in bringing versions to dozens of other countries, provided him the perfect cover and opportunity to carry out his missions abroad, but the secrecy and double life finally took its toll and Dale regretfully hung up the Walther PPK in 1997.
But it's plain to see now, why he had no trouble controlling those exciteable contestants in those crowded aisles!
Saturday, 6 March 2010
Saturday Conservation Review: Greek Gods Fury at Proposed Government Sell Off
The deities of Mount Olympus in Greece are staging a sit in on the steps of the Greek Parliament, in protest at the planned sell off of their homes and playgrounds.
Goddess of Wisdom, Athena is said to be "furious"at the plan to convert the Parthenon into a Creative Arts College and has unleashed a swarm of owls into the inner sanctums of the government building, while Hephaestus, whilst unhappy at his temple being sold to a manufacturing firm, is slightly mollified that it is at least an engineering company, with a nice side line in pottery.
Meanwhile, Apollo has taken off to his own temple at Delphi, but instead of galvansing support against the fitness centre being developed there, is said to be actively participating in the design process and has accepted a consultancy fee.
Human protesters are also occupying the tunnel of Eupalinos, which has been sold off to the water board, while Zeus himself and an army of lesser Gods have chained themselves together around the bottom of Mount Olympus, to ensure the bulldozers intent on converting the space into luxury penthouse flats, do not gain entry to the ancient site.
It was reported that Prime Minister George Papandreou was last seen being head butted down the side of the Acropolis by a strange looking goat like creature. Pan will appear before magistrates tomorrow.
Goddess of Wisdom, Athena is said to be "furious"at the plan to convert the Parthenon into a Creative Arts College and has unleashed a swarm of owls into the inner sanctums of the government building, while Hephaestus, whilst unhappy at his temple being sold to a manufacturing firm, is slightly mollified that it is at least an engineering company, with a nice side line in pottery.
Meanwhile, Apollo has taken off to his own temple at Delphi, but instead of galvansing support against the fitness centre being developed there, is said to be actively participating in the design process and has accepted a consultancy fee.
Human protesters are also occupying the tunnel of Eupalinos, which has been sold off to the water board, while Zeus himself and an army of lesser Gods have chained themselves together around the bottom of Mount Olympus, to ensure the bulldozers intent on converting the space into luxury penthouse flats, do not gain entry to the ancient site.
It was reported that Prime Minister George Papandreou was last seen being head butted down the side of the Acropolis by a strange looking goat like creature. Pan will appear before magistrates tomorrow.
Friday, 5 March 2010
Button's on left or right?
The season hasn't yet started but already there's controversy in the Formula One paddock, as Bernie has another idea to spice up the coming season.
Desperate to give Michael Schumacher as much assistance as possible, reigning World Champion Jenson Button has been told he must choose to drive all his races on either the right hand or the left hand side of the track, ignoring the accepted racing line.
McLaren are naturally fuming at the idea, Hamilton got the giggles (although these quickly subsided when he found out that girlfriend Nicole was partnered with ladies man, hunky Derek Hough, on the US version of Strictly Come Dancing, Dancing With The Stars), with Schumacher maintaining that he neither wants nor expects any preferential treatment, but hey, if you insist ...
Desperate to give Michael Schumacher as much assistance as possible, reigning World Champion Jenson Button has been told he must choose to drive all his races on either the right hand or the left hand side of the track, ignoring the accepted racing line.
McLaren are naturally fuming at the idea, Hamilton got the giggles (although these quickly subsided when he found out that girlfriend Nicole was partnered with ladies man, hunky Derek Hough, on the US version of Strictly Come Dancing, Dancing With The Stars), with Schumacher maintaining that he neither wants nor expects any preferential treatment, but hey, if you insist ...
Thursday, 4 March 2010
Lionel Blair and Andrew Lloyd Webber Launch Talent Search
Lionel Blair and Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber are in discussions with the BBC to host a brand new audition show, to search for the leading lady in their new joint venture expected to debut in the West End before Christmas.
With the search for Dorothy for The Wizard of Oz currently underway, Sir Andrew is said to be "incredibly excited" at Lionel's proposal of updating perennial children's favourite, Snow White and the Seven Dwarves and is pushing the production of Dorothy into overtime.
Lionel will play the Prince Charming character in the new, native American version of the beloved fairy tale, to be titled Tap Dances With Dwarves.
Dames Judi Dench, Eileen Atkins and Maggie Smith are all reportedly keen to audition for the role of the heroine, Crow Flight.
With the search for Dorothy for The Wizard of Oz currently underway, Sir Andrew is said to be "incredibly excited" at Lionel's proposal of updating perennial children's favourite, Snow White and the Seven Dwarves and is pushing the production of Dorothy into overtime.
Lionel will play the Prince Charming character in the new, native American version of the beloved fairy tale, to be titled Tap Dances With Dwarves.
Dames Judi Dench, Eileen Atkins and Maggie Smith are all reportedly keen to audition for the role of the heroine, Crow Flight.
Wednesday, 3 March 2010
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
