Just Too Good Not To Share!

Doing the rounds of the internet no doubt, and possibly originating from Germany, you know it had to be done ...

Alex Reid to Join Diversity; Katie Price Spelbound Bound

With the news anounced that Alex Reid, Katie Price's hubby-to-be, is joining last year's Britain's Got Talent winners, Diversity, as chief choreographer and lead dancer, this year's winners, Spelbound, have issued an invitation to Katie to join them on stage at the Royal Variety Show.

A spokesman for the artistic gymnastic team said the troupe were working extremely hard on new choreography for the special performance in front of Her Majesty, and had decided to include a couple of "human trampolines" from which the smaller team members would launch themselves into the air for their death-defying stunts.

Unfortunately, Pamela Lee-Anderson had to decline due to her pantomime commitments, however, Katie is said to be seriously considering the offer.

Please, please let us have this referee on Wednesday ...

X-Factor "hide ugly audience members"

An insider at ITV has admitted that during premier Saturday night show, The X-Factor, cameramen are paid bonuses to avoid filming any ugly members of the audience.

And he added: "It goes some way to explaining why Ashley Cole was never seen there. I always wondered."

Rooney “surprised at fans reaction” shock

Long known for not being the brightest paint in the palette, Wayne Rooney has expressed surprise that England fans, who’ve spent their hard-earned cash in the middle of a recession to fly to South Africa to support their national team, booed them off the pitch, following a woeful display in the 0-0 draw against Algeria.

With pressure piling up on Fabio Capello, the manager has succumbed to the demands of 50% of the population and has stated that he will invoke FIFA rule #23667 sub section C, paragraph seven, which states: “Should any team be so shit that they are unlikely to make it through the group stages, the manager reserves the right to replace any member of the squad with the God-like countenance of David Beckham, playing topless in the final group game, in order to make it worthwhile watching.”

Any thoughts of FIFA trying to overrule this were quickly dispelled when Sepp Blatter stated that he too, would rather watch David Beckham play topless and would try to swing it so he could appear for Switzerland too. When it was pointed out that Switzerland were in a much stronger position than England, he looked completely astounded.

With gratefulthanks to some underwear company for an inspired campaign.

Strictly Come Dancing Announce Pro Dance Changes

Fans of hit BBC Saturday night Flagship show, Strictly Come Dancing, have been left bemused and upset by changes to the professional dancer line up.

Hoping to appeal to a wider audience, the BBC have decided to employ South African professional dancers, who, since the beginning of the World Cup, have been in great demand teaching everyone how to Diski. An insider commented: "The world cup attracts more viewers than even ourselves and X-Faxtor and Dr. Who put together, so it was the obvious solution to a drop in our ratings."

However, the Samaritans have warned that they are unable to cope with the influx of calls they are now receiving from distraught Matthew Cutler fans since the announcement, although they admit that the majority of their time is being taken up by Marion Keyes, devastated at the potential loss of Lilia Kopylova from the show.

The South African dancers are said to be "thrilled" at the prospect of teaching Bruce Forsyth the latest trend.