Beleagured Teddy Bear, Tedward, lifelong companion of actress and model Lorraine Chase, has finally spoken out about the threats and abuse he's received during his stay in ITV1's I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here jungle.
The 60 year old Steiff/Michtom cross, who has since been offered the starring role in a remake of the classic 2006 film, The Teddy Bear Master, had remained silent on the running battles with fellow celebrity, Pat Sharp, which resulted in Sharp being beheaded and burned at a stake over the camp fire. However, following reports that Australian Police had demanded Tedward be handed over immediately for questioning, Lorraine insisted that Tedward give his side of the story to show that he wasn't a conniving, nasty flea-ridden scumbag.
Tedward was smuggled out of camp and spoke to our nature expert, Phil Oddboddie, at a secret location."Look, you got no idea what that git put me through! I had to sit through 24 hours of "the 80s this" and "the 80s that" and then he started singing that bloody god-awful song and urging us all to join in. On the fifteenth chorus I just snapped! And I weren't the only one neither - Antony was practically slitting his wrists - which fair enough, he's threatening that most days anyways - and Fatima was demanding to know, "Chant what, exactly" and just wouldn't let it drop, she kept on with "You keep telling us to chant but you're not telling us what to chant! If you're going to demand we do something you have to justify it. We always did that in the Olympics, we didn't ask the fans to chant just anything, they had to be specific about who and what they were chanting for and so should you" - anyways, so then Ant'n'Dec called the police and snitched on me, saying I was the trouble maker and getting far too much attention - specially when I started trending on Twitter, that really wound 'em up; they've never trended on Twitter. So no, I don't regret what I did; it's about time the world got real about teddy bears - we're sick of this "oh, aren't they cute" crap. Wise up, people, the Teds are coming."
Ant'n'Dec, 72, were unavailable for comment, apart from a message that appeared in their Twitter feed this morning, which said: @planetjedward Stuffed the bear! Lmfao A. Pls put cq in post, lol xx ;) D. #imaceleb
image: nastyhobbit.org
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